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Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Crystal Ball


We are born. We study. We Work. We Die. It doesn’t get any simpler.
We are not bothered about the first and the last parts, nothing to do much there actually. Your parents take care of the first part and biology takes care of the last unless some drunken truck driver decides that biology is too boring.

I often look at gray hair of my father and wonder whether they delineated my destiny. They were always gray even in my earliest of memories. Perhaps to do something with my going to the best school in the city even when there wasn’t much left to splurge on essential goodies. Perhaps they got gray in sun during the countless hours that he had to spend for his field work every once in a while. By the time I was finishing the school I already had a feeling that I owed those hair something. Perhaps being good at studies comes naturally to people our kind. It’s a natural instinct which just happens as we watch our parent’s face brighten up at the sight of our score cards when we top our classes. And happens perhaps due to the less talked about fact that he does not have a legacy to leave behind.

Uncles and Aunties would often ask me “What do you want to become?” and I would invariably answer “An Engineer”. They would pat my back and would compliment my father with an approving look. I wonder what they would have said had I said that I wanted to direct films!!

Now several years later, as I drag myself to work everyday, into a cubicle by the window, sipping coffee out of a plastic mug from a vending machine, I often peep out of the window at the herds of people getting out of the cabs, straightening their clothes having a quick peep into the glass facades of their office buildings to check their hair, their laptops dangling by their side, ready to queue up in front of the lifts to get to their seats.

They would rush to their desktops, check their mails, open some forwarded jokes, frown at the messy mail from the boss, check their bank accounts for salary credit, check how much their portfolio has crashed in the bear market and carry on with their daily load.....EVERYBODY..just EVERYBODY. Like they have been cast out of a single mould, like they were a quality controlled factory product, like they were all just.....yes...engineers. I have become an engineer after all..just like EVERYBODY. Sometimes I so badly wish that there were a crystal ball which would tell me, what if I had taken the road less trodden? What if I was not everybody? What if I had not longed for that pat on the back and that gratifying smile on my father’s face? ......But then isn’t everybody longing for that crystal ball...!!!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Cruel Beauty


He could look into those eyes for his entire life. Those big, beautiful brown eyes. He often wondered if they were for real or was he still dreaming when he woke up and saw them looking back at him. He forgot the world around him for those moments as he found himself hypnotically drawn into that sepia crystallized in those glass like eyes.

He would just lay there to hear her breath and watch her tender lips arch in a subtle smile. He was madly in love with her…..and she………she couldn’t care less!!

Oh how cruel beauty can be, like a mirage in a vast desert. It will gaslight you into the land of dreams, in its feather like arms and mind numbing fragrance, tempt you to reach out and touch it, grab it and own it only to throw you back, the moment you stretch out your arms, to the same old world, only harsher and more mundane this time.

She was every man’s fantasy come true. And she knew it to the core. Two kinds of people are always made aware of their physical attributes pretty early – the ugly ones and the pretty ones. The others are confused to their grave, as to where they belong. She enjoyed the reaction she got from the people around her. Even though she longed for some one to sweep her off her feet away from the stammering, head scratching, sweating and nervous herds of men around her, she knew she had something which anyone in the world would do anything to just have a moment of. She had no friends, only voyeurs, admirers and hopeless romantics dying to get within a feet of her.

But it had to happen one day. Her prince charming did come. He seemed unperturbed by her ravishing persona and exuberance only to make her want more and more of him as each day passed and she found herself getting restless without him around. Till a day when she realized that her expensive Barbie doll cast was proving to be prison for her….She confessed, he melted and a beautiful love story began.

How everyone wants to pick the prettiest flower from the garden, foolishly wishing that it would be theirs forever, conveniently forgetting that the flower bloomed for selfish reasons.

His possessiveness had begun to suffocate her. She missed the freedom and that exciting tingle she used to feel as a free bird, at the prospect of that unknown someone somewhere away from the drooling everyones. This someone now had more faces than she saw when she was free. Her ‘untouchability’ had started to hurt her even more than earlier. She had to be free and she no more cared about his heartache. So one day, she walked away……. to flaunt, to entice…..to feel new.

So many someones woke up by her side since, dreaming in haze of her silky locks only to listen to their hearts break like a sheet of glass and ground evaporate beneath their feet…………and she……….she couldn’t care less!!